Hello everyone! When I say a little bit of an update, I really mean a huge bit of an update – an overdate actually. It’s called that because I’m overdue to let you know what is going on, but there is a big reason why, which you will find out at the end of the post. But in the meantime you should know that . . .
I moved back to Atlanta.
And, I know.
I’m aware that it sounds nuts. But I hope you won’t think me crazy. I just wasn’t happy. From the moment I stepped into Seattle, I realized that I had made a mistake. Can I tell you what a tough pill it was to swallow? Can I tell you HOW much money I spent making these changes? Money that I had but couldn’t necessarily afford to spend?
I feel dumb but I also don’t, at the same time. It’s difficult to explain, which will make it probably hard for you to understand. I can say that I went there with as much of an open heart as I could and I tried to integrate myself back into the Seattle culture as much as I was able to. Which was difficult considering how bad I felt. It’s pretty hard to get motivated and put yourself out there when you aren’t happy. What was making me so unhappy? Well, I guess Seattle has changed. People that I knew have changed. And I have changed. None of it is bad – change isn’t necessarily negative. But it means that 10 years ago when I moved to Atlanta, I was in a different place than I am now. And it’s hard to go back and think that it will all fall into place. I woke up every day in Seattle with a gigantic boulder on my chest, and I felt bad A LOT. Depressed, even.
So the summary is that I took a giant leap and it didn’t work out, and now I’m back. I drove across the country during the third week of May, and arrived in Atlanta. I’m staying in a place temporarily until I can find more permanent housing. And I feel better, and I’m happier. And I have different perspective on my situation.
The silver lining to the possibly dark cloud? Well, I am working full-time on freelance writing and blogging, which I’m enjoying (LOVING). It’s a good fit for me, and for my work personality I don’t know that I would have pursued this freelance life if I had not gone to Seattle – I mean, I would have been working full-time, so I wouldn’t have had the time or the inclination. My three months in Seattle gave me the time I needed to pull my work together. Could it all be for work? I’m not sure. I can tell you that I prayed a lot, and I still do. I believe that God is watching over me in this whole situation.
Plus I traveled down the west coast, and so I got to see some fun landmarks on the way back.
Which brings me to the Grand Canyon, and this picture of Nellie – and to the bad news. After nine years of owning the best dog in the world, I had to put her to sleep. She was 13 years old and had a lot of health issues, and I had to let her go the first day we were back in Atlanta.
I am still horribly sad and devastated about the loss of my piggie, which has caused me to have a hard time writing, hence the delay in the update. I don’t know that I will ever have a dog as great as Nellie, and she brought so much joy to my life that I feel guilty. Guilty that even though I took care of her, she gave way more to me than I ever did to her. I love Nellie dearly and I will always miss this beloved member of my family.
I want to write about her again soon, but I leave you with this picture of Nellie as she frequently was the last days of her life – asleep in her sock monkey bed. Just seeing this picture makes my heart hurt. I miss her.
Thanks for all of your support and look for another update soon!
Blogger who loves the color blue and sock monkeys. You can find me in public easily— I'm wearing glasses and lots of stripes.
Ohhh….my heart hurts for you. I know how painful it is to lose a pet…a beloved part of your family….try to remember how happy you made Nellie by just LOVING her…and of course…she LOVED you right back.
So sorry to hear of your loss! Pets are family and it hurts badly when we lose them. I have lost a few in my life and it hurts still when I think of them.
Wishing you success in your move!
Sorry to hear of your loss it is always so hard when your pet is part of the family. I know what it feels like to move & it not working toward your happiness. I hope your move back brings you joy. Take care! Good luck with your new book! Theresa @DearCreatives
I’m so sorry about Nellie, I’m new to your blog but I know how hard it is to let go of a pet.
I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet Nellie. They become like children I know.
I’m glad that you came back to Atlanta, but so sorry for the loss of your precious doggie. I know how hard that is, and how much we grow to love our pets. They really do become members of the family. If there’s anything I can do to help you out, please let me know.
I look forward to meeting you, hopefully soon!
-Erin @ DIY On the Cheap
I am so sorry about Nellie. Losing a pet is really, really hard. About the moving thing, you don’t know until you try. You tried and now you know. Good for you for taking a risk. It is all part of the journey.
Losing a pet is one of the worst thing’s ever, especially when they are particularity special. But know one day you’ll be together again. Then you’ll know for sure your in Heaven.:)
Oh, Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is so, so hard. Our Pom is 10, and I sometimes wonder what I will do when she passes away!
Even though you had to make a tough choice to move back to Atlanta, it sounds as if it was the right one. I hope everything falls into place for you! And how can it not?? Miss Successful Book Writer!
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet pup! It is definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do too. It sounds like you made the best choice for you moving back.
Megan
Best of luck to you being back in Atlanta. So sorry about your beloved Pup…
Take care. You will be fine.
I always enjoy your blog.
My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry!!
I’m glad you are happier now moving back to Atlanta.
You knew deep down what you needed to do and you followed your heart. Nothing wrong with that. 
I am so sorry about your Nellie! My heart feels for you and your loss. There s nothing like the unconditional love of a pet. And I have children! My Shadow is 15, old for any dog, but especially a medium large dog. She has very bad arthritis, and I worry every day that I may need to make *that* decision. I have lost several dogs and cats over my life and the good thing is you always have fond memories (or funny ones) and a place in your heart for them.
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. It must have been so hard to return Atlanta and lose a best friend. I know how hard it is to lose a pet, they are totally part of the family. But I am happy to hear that you are doing better in Atlanta. I think you are right, sometimes you need a big change to push you into trying new things, and sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t, but you are always better for having tried. (My husband recently got my a magnet that I love and am trying to remember and live by now, it says: “Ever notice that ‘what the hell’ is always the right answer? It’s the things that you don’t try that you always regret.)
Thanks so much for sharing your blog with us!
Amy, I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet Piggy. I’m sure she knows how much you love her and she had a happy life with you!
I know how it feels to “know” you’ve made a wrong decision…I felt that way the first day of grad school. I was really unhappy, but I finished as quick as I could and got the heck outta there! Sometimes you just have to put yourself there to really know what it’s like. So no, you’re not dumb, it’s part of life! ((hugs))
Welcome back to Atlanta! There is something about this area that pulls you back! I’m from south of ATL and when I met my husband (from Chicago) all he talked about was moving back up north. Well, we did and it wasn’t long until he was working on being transferred back to Atlanta! 22 years later and he’s become the perfect Southerner! I hope you find everything here that makes you happy and fulfilled!
Sorry about the loss of Nellie! It is so hard when we lose a pet. They become family!
My heart goes out to you on losing your Nellie. Sad does not begin to describe the loss of a faithful, loving companion who brings daily joy. They leave such a big empty place. You have my heartfelt sympathies.
Much love to you from me in the loss of Nellie – I hold you very tightly in my heart
I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is one of the hardest things ever and something I’ve had to go through way too many times but I have been blessed that all my pets have lived long and happy (I hope)lives. One of my dogs is 17 and I can’t tell you how many times a day I check to see if he is still breathing. Even though the grief gets easier with time I still think and miss the ones I’ve lost so I understand how you feel.
I wish you the best with your move back to Atlanta!
So sorry to hear about Nellie- she was definitely family. As for your “mistake”, I don’t think it was. You thought it was the right move and maybe once it would have been. However, where you are and who you are now… it wasn’t but there was NO way to know that until you tried it. You did and now you can rule it out- it’s not the right thing. You gave it a few months and it just didn’t fit any more. That’s not a mistake. That’s finding out something about yourself. It may have been pricey $wise but there was not way of knowing it and it’s an important thing to know about yourself. Better to have gone and found out it’s not right than to wonder or think you should have gone. Now you know you tried and it’s just not right at this point in your life. Trip, expensive. Knowledge, priceless.
You’ve been on quite the inner-journey, gathering perspective and growing. I don’t think you could have learned what you did about yourself and made the decisions that you did if you had stayed put. You did the right thing.
No, you’ll never have another dog as great your Nellie, but there are lots of pups out there with their own unique personalities… when you’re ready. It takes time, give yourself time to grieve. You did the right thing. (Hugs)
Amy– I am so sorry for your loss–I understand how difficult it must have been.
As for the move, everything happens for a reason, and all that we do makes us who we are.
Good luck in Atlanta, and I’m thrilled you’re happy! Best of luck to you, and I would love to meet you when I’m there for Haven!
gail
Amy I’m so sorry to hear about Nellie. I know how very hard that decision is but you need to know that you did the right thing by her. It’s devastating to lose a pet and it must have been especially hard during a time of so much upheaval for you.
Hang in there and I totally admire you for following what your heart was telling you. Atlanta is lucky to have you back.
David
I am so sorry about Nellie. I hope your hearts heals soon. Way to go on admitting that things were not as you expected, if it takes “balls” to move across the country it takes giant super meatballs to move back 3 months later. You are to be admired for knowing and staying true to yourself.
Amy,
Sorry to hear about your sweet pup. It’s like losing a member of the family when they pass.. but they leave behind such wonderful memories!
Chin up.. everything happens for a reason.. the reasons are just not always revealed to us.
My hubs and I and the kids moved from NJ to NC and then back.. it was a hard choice be so right for us and our little family..
xoxo
Amie @ Pinkapotamus
You’ve been through a lot in the last few months, two moves and the loss of your beloved Nellie. I’ve made changes that didn’t work, jobs – and you’re right, there’s a reason for things and God says he’ll work all things for good. I’m just glad you’re back in Atlanta where you’re happy at this time. Sending big hugs to you and also prayers. Mary
Amy, I am a firm believer that the most trying times give way to the best of times. I am so sorry to hear about your doggie’s passing. Hang in there! Doing what is right for you is never the wrong thing to do, ever!
Amy, Nothing prepares us for the hurt but one day you will forget the sadness and feel nothing but the job that your little Nellie brought you. I too will face a situation like yours with an aging pet sometime soon. On another note- I live North of Atlanta, email me if you are interested in getting together for lunch,dinner etc once you settle in.
Laura
So sorry about Nellie. I know she meant so much to you and you to her. Thank you for all the times you shared her pictures with us. I will say prayers for both of you and wish you a future of happiness and joy.
Amy…sometimes we need to make the change to realize the change isn’t a good fit for us. It’s ok…you did what you had to do. Best wishes for a happy, successful life in Atlanta!
My condolences on the loss of your Nellie. Our dog is a senior dog now, and I’m already trying to prepare myself for that moment. *hugs* Sometimes he will just be sprawled out on the rug, half asleep, and when I look at him and smile he thumps his tail. *sniffles* I will say a prayer for you and Nellie.
Oh Nellie, you will be dearly missed. As a puggie owner myself, I fear the day I will have to make that choice. You’ll see her one day again, and she’ll run up to you with her curly pug tail and snorts!
So sorry about losing your sweetie.
It’s hard when things don’t work out exactly the way you think you should too, but like others have said, you never have to wonder now about *if* you should move back to Seattle…because you did, and it just wasn’t right. There’s a certain amount of confidence in moving forward when you don’t have some of those doubts any more. Best of luck will everything, and thanks for the update!
Amy, I had no idea you were having such a crazy life right now! I am so sorry you have been through all of this. And I’m terribly sad about your doggy. She was adorable. We had a pug growing up named Maggie. I still miss her too.
I hope things start looking up for you! You are one of my favorite people and I hate to hear you have been so depressed. I have depression and I can assure you it sucks hard core to feel crappy and not be able to do anything about it. Chin up buttercup!
xoxo
Allison @ House of Hepworths
Oh Amy…I am so sorry about Nellie’s passing.
It just breaks my heart for you.
I will be saying lots of prayers for you and wishing you all the best back in Atlanta!
Big Hugs!
XOXO
Lisa
Oh, Amy, what a year you have had! I’m so sorry about Nellie, and glad that you realized your mistake in moving… that boulder on your chest came through the last time you gave us an update, and I’m happy that it is gone!
So sorry to hear of the loss of your dear companion Nellie. Best of luck with your future in Atlanta, I’m sure you’ve made the right choice
Oh my goodness, Amy. I am so sorry about your sweet Nellie and all the stress you’ve been under. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Amy, I completely understand. You must follow your gut – your heart – your soul, even if it means spending more money than some think you “should”, or making decisions others perceive as reckless. Live life for YOU! Hang in there!
There. A big hug for you & condolences on having to let your best friend go. It always hurts so bad.
You know I’ve always said that sometimes you have to hit bottom to look up and see the right path. You could have stayed in that hole, but you climbed out & set foot on a new road. It is so hard, but sometimes the hard parts of our lives become the guiding light in the future. You are embarked on this incredible new life. May it bring you wealth, health, and happiness…soon! You deserve it.
Best of luck to you! I have just “found” you blog and love the inspiration!
My heart hurts for you, missing your Nellie. Wish I could say it will ever go away but it won’t hurt as bad after a while.
I know that no other doggie can replace her but perhaps in time you should think about getting a new doggie to love.
Please know that I completely understand your pain.
♥♥♥
Sue
You can take the girl out of the south….but you cant take the south out of the girl…..welcome back…..glad you made it back…
I’m so sorry about piggy…but what doesn’t kill us…only makes us stronger….
Sending hugs your way!!!!
So sorry for the loss of your beloved pet and that the move wasn’t what you’d hoped for. Wishing you great success and happiness back in Atlanta.
Amy, I’m sorry for the loss of your sweet Nellie girl. I had no idea you were in the middle of a major move. We’ve been down a similar road and it’s a big bag of mixed emotions. Congrats on coming home – moves like this one are always for good and all will be well soon, I promise. Also congrats on your book – how cool is that?! I had no idea you had that little project cooking up your sleeve!
So proud of you.
Hugs from Virginia!!!
xoxo
MaryLea (Pink and Green Mama)
Nothing anyone can say will ease your pain. Only time will help you to heal. Good luck in your move back to Atlanta. I wish only good things for you in the days, months and years to come.
I’m sorry for the passing of your friend!
Yet I’m glad to hear you moved back where you feel more comfortable.
A lot of change in your life!
Good change…your move back to Atlanta sounds like a great decision for you!
Bad change…your little Nellie – I know how hard it is to lose a beloved pet. She is watching over you.
Some times you just know when a place isn’t right for you! This summer I was supposed to take a trip to Alaska, but I went the other direction and here I am in Texas with my family instead.
Everything works out though. Just keep plowing!
whitneygoller
http://whitneygoller.blogspot.com/
What a rough couple of weeks for you. I am so sorry about Nellie. Hugs.
Oh Amy! I am so so sorry to hear about the news of Nellie! I will certainly be praying for you. I know you are in the middle of lots of transition right now, but I am happy to have you back in Atlanta! ((hugs)) xo
I’m so, so sorry about your baby. She looks so cute and sweet. I love my dog like a child and cannot, or will not imagine what life will be without her. Your are in my thoughts.
Amy, so sorry for you loss of Nellie. Hugs to you. I too have lost one of my best friends this year and it is hard. They are just like our kids. Keep your chin up and keep digging away. Everything will fall into place.
hey amy, that must have been such a hard post to write. just know i’m praying for immense peace for you…over your move, over your loss, over all the change. but i know He has great things in store for you. hold fast. i know this might sound weird…but if there is anything i can do…let me know. xoxox, lisa
Seattle was a happy time in your life – not necessarily a happy place. Now it has changed, the people have changed and you have changed. I hope you can hold that happy time as a beautiful memory. But as the saying goes.. “You can’t go back.” It’s great you were able to try it out, and that you quickly realized it didn’t fit anymore, so you won’t always long to be in that wonderful place that really isn’t now. You are doing so many interesting things now, and I hope you will continue to find new and satisfying challenges. Things are very different now than they were 20 or 30 years ago, and everything changes much more rapidly. Hope you soon find your happy place in all that and have a great, great future!
It’s funny. I grew up in Seattle and my parents moved me to the South in elementary school. I blamed all of my issues in middle and high school with the fact that we were not in Seattle, and if we had stayed my life would have been perfect. My parents, being the smart people they are shipped me back to Seattle to live with friends for a few months. But it wasn’t the place that could solve my issues. Everytime I go back I have this daydream of moving and feeling like I belong there. I admire your guts in trying it out, because if you hadn’t, you would have always held it as the perfect place, and now I hope you can move on. Best of luck!
I am so sorry about Nellie. Best wishes for your return to Atlanta
I am sorry things didn’t work out in Seattle for you! I am even sorrier to hear about Nellie. She looks like a sweetie and I’m sure she was so content to just be with you. Good luck in the next few months, I love to read your updates and everything you write on here! I will continue thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.
Sorry about your loss! Stay strong! Everything is falling into place, it’s a good thing!
Wow..i admire your bravery …i luv your post…the honesty and openness …follow your heart and nellie i’m sure is your personal angel
Oh wow, this brought tears to my eyes! I’m so sorry about the loss of your sweet dog Amy. It seems like she hung on to support you during your move back to Atlanta. My dog is like another one of my kids to me, so I can imagine how you must feel. Hang in there friend!
Congrats on your move back home, I’m sure nobody thinks your crazy. Sometimes we have to try things out to see what works for us, you never know until you try. I’m sure you grew from the experience, so there is value in that! I hope you are able to settle back in quickly.
xoxo
Karen
I’m so sorry to hear about your beloved puppy! I, too, have had pugs and I know what adorable little people they are. My heart cries with you and I will keep you in my thoughts.
Oh man. I’m so sorry about your dog. Just reading about it made me cry a little. Losing a pet is the worst. And you hit the nail on the head – they love us so unconditionally that it makes it sadder. But, as someone once told me after a kitten I had suddenly died, just think of the life they WOULDN’T have had with a wonderful owner like you. You were the best thing that happened to them too!
As far as the move. Eh. At least you went out there and tried. Maybe it would have been worse if you didn’t. Then you’d be wondering what if. Now you know it’s not for you. No shame in that.
Holy Cats! I’m soooo far behind on my blog reading. Look at your big changes. I’m sorry to hear about your Nellie & I’m sorry you were so sad in Seattle but I hope things turn around and you are happy in ATL. You could always buy Ken and Jeremy’s place!
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your pet. My heart is with you. Much love.